Reflecting on a recent family dinner conversation, I found myself at the center of a heated discussion about my future plans, particularly my decision to pursue a PhD. This conversation, involving my mom, stepdad, aunt, and uncle, was not just about my academic path but also about my personal growth and the values I hold dear. As I prepare to enter an interdisciplinary biology program this fall, I am drawn to projects that integrate complexity theory with field observations, such as studying the herding behavior of sheep—a topic inspired by my recent experience with a Native American family who taught me the art of sheep herding.
The conversation began with my explanation of the PhD program’s structure, which includes rotating through different labs before settling on a thesis project. I expressed my interest in engaging with both academic researchers and communities with land-based knowledge, aiming to bridge the gap between scientific inquiry and practical, community-driven solutions. However, my candid remark about potentially not completing the PhD if the costs outweighed the benefits sparked concern. I was reflecting on the experiences of other PhD students who faced challenges such as mismatched mentorship and long feedback cycles, as well as the impact of reduced government funding for science.
My mom’s response highlighted the importance of graduating, emphasizing the benefits of having a PhD, such as easier visa applications and job opportunities. She viewed my past as a period of exploration without substantial outcomes, a perspective I partially agree with. However, I felt that my recent experiences—learning from diverse communities and engaging with various cultural and intellectual circles—had grounded me more in reality than ever before. I realized that my journey is not just about academic achievement but also about aligning my work with my values and the communities I wish to serve.
Another point of contention was my openness to alternative funding sources, such as NGOs or private foundations, which my family perceived as idealistic. While I understand their concerns about financial stability, I believe that exploring diverse funding avenues is crucial for pursuing projects that matter to me. My experiences with friends who have taken unconventional paths have shown me that while financial struggles are real, they are also part of the journey toward meaningful work.
Reflecting on the conversation, I realized that my family’s concerns stem from a desire for me to make informed decisions. They emphasized the importance of training, such as a PhD, to become a better decision-maker. However, I believe that personal growth and decision-making are not confined to academia. My recent experiences have taught me to listen to my heart and pursue what feels real and sustainable.
As I continue to navigate my path, I am committed to clarifying my goals and articulating my vision. This involves writing about my experiences and the projects that inspire me, such as my time herding sheep and immersing myself in diverse cultural environments. I recognize the patterns in my past, such as my rebelliousness and the feeling of being an outsider, and I am learning to embrace them as part of my journey.
Ultimately, this conversation with my family has been a moment of growth, allowing me to refine my thoughts and articulate my mission more clearly. While the path ahead may be challenging, I am determined to pursue a life that aligns with my values and aspirations, even if it means stepping outside the conventional academic framework.