- “I’m allowed to anything I want?!” The realization that I am allowed to be interested in anything my heart truly desires feels liberating, though it comes with the challenge of identifying what my heart actually wants and learning to follow through. There are genuine feelings that I’m trying to recall and articulate—the reality of what I observe around me, like a pointy leaf, contrasted with the potential unreliability of words unless I carefully connect them myself.
- i talked to my dad about how to decide related to money and interest
- first, he said, start with the base line. calculate the bottom line of how much money you need to allow you to do what you want. i felt “oh i think i have that already, with the savings and the income flow that i can get from doing phd or industry” and i also felt really sad thinking about my sister who might not have as much familial support because i wish she could have the sufficient money to allow her to do what she want without constraining options by money.
- after that, he suggested, do what you like well (in your own standard). if you need more money for baseline, then adjust the action to your relative advantage (enough to do it, top 80%).
- it’s interesting that it’s “your own standard”. i feel pretty influenced by status or belonging, maybe evolutionarily it’s because we would die if we were not “seen as contributing enough”, but that’s not true anymore especially in a bigger watcher crowd. who matter in the standard? you and those around you (family). “don’t try to get respect from others, they may have misaligned motivation. you give yourself respect.”
- another interesting thing is “do (as oneself)” instead of together. he thinks don’t try to look for collaborators, they are rare and will collide when time
- this two step process blew my mind. i was mostly stuck in the big words that made the thinking so complex. and absolute standards with high bars from the start. - money, ability, outcome. if i didn’t think about those things, nothing would be so painful.
- although there’s a factor about not trying to control what you cannot control. “don’t assess based on how good the outcome will be, that’s not predictable. decide only when you have choices” for example, whether you get accepted is not in your control, but whether you apply is within your control. but do assess cost benefit of what you can predict, a little.